Monday, February 7, 2011

An Epiphany

seeking the one

I’ve realized something.  I rely heavily upon the Lord for everything. This is called faith.  And He does not let me down. 

And when I talk about it with people who I think would understand, I get looked at and spoken to like I’ve confessed to some truly odd dysfunction, that relying upon the Lord the way that I do is a character weakness.

But I’ve realized something.  The people who have acted this way have not ~*had to*~ rely upon Him the way I do.  They don’t have a testimony of His care in the way I’ve experienced. 

It is in my Patriarchal blessing that I will be guided by the Spirit in every decision I have to make.  See that?  Pick up on that?  ~*Every*~ decision.  And it is true.

After my husband died, I was on my own.  Life changes when you become a widow.  Drastically.   The Lord was always there, guiding me through, even, very minor decisions, because I needed it.  And He still is.  I sometimes have to walk through fire, but He is always right there, encouraging me, patting me on the head.

I have good friends who understand and accept this truth. 

I have not-so-good friends who just think I’m weak and dysfunctional.  But it has been made clear to me now; it’s not me having an odd dysfunction.  I choose to let Him guide me and help me through my life in all things. I have strength through Him, not of myself.


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